The SummerSlam SLANT

SUMMERSLAM is tomorrow night and here are my predictions for the card.  I'm using Cletus's format even though his predictions are not good for this show. 

Hell in a Cell Match,
Edge vs. Undertaker

I hope Taker shoots Vickie with lightning and takes her permanently off television.  Then lock in his chokehold and choke Edge to death and the druids carry him off.  TAKER will destroy.

Prediction: Undertaker by choke

John Cena vs. Batista

I love John Cena but he is no match for the ANIMAL!!  It'll be a one and done with a Batista Bomb and the 1.. 2....  3!!!!!  Then Batista will go on to beat Bradshaw for the world title on Raw.

Prediction: Batista by pinfall and no interference

Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
JBL vs. CM Punk (c) 

FINALLY a wrestler will get a chance to take the title off the undeserving Punk.  No way can Punk outwrestle or outbrawl Bradshaw.  So this is it, the night Punk loses his title and goes down in history as worst champion ever.

Prediction: Bradshaw by pinfall and no interference

Match for the WWE Championship
The Great Khali vs. Triple H (c) 

Triple H can't beat Khali so will hit him in the face with a sledgehammer and that will be the end of it.  Return match next month with Khali taking the title from Triple H.  Go whine to Stephanie!!!   Because there is no way you can beat this giant!!!

Prediction: Khali by DQ no interference

Match for the ECW Championship
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry (c) 

Henry will DOMINTE Matt Hardy.  Big body splash and it's all over.

Prediction: Henry by pinfall and no interference

Match for the Intercontinental and Women's Championships
Beth Phoenix & Santino Marella vs. Mickie James (c)  & Kofi Kingston (c) 

I think I will go to the bathroom for this match.  Mickie will pin Santino because he should not even be on one of the biggest PPVs of the year. 

Prediction: Mickie and Kofi by pinfall

MVP vs. Jeff Hardy

I hate Jeff Hardy ever since he let me down earlier this year with his stupid problems.  I don't like MVP either but hope he kicks Jeff's ass.  Flush Jeff down the toilet, same place he dropped his career earlier this year.  MVP will help us get rid of this stupid floater and wash his stupid purple makeup and hair down the drain with him!

Prediction: MVP by pinfall and no interference

Will any of the following get involved physically in the Cena/Batista match?

Nobody dares get into the ring with the Chained Animal Souljas!!!!  They would get destroyed by the true world tag champions.

Prediction: NOBODY, or somebody really stupid

What will Shawn Michaels' decision be?

Prediction: He's still wrestling and your an idiot if you think otherwise!

How many Batista Bombs will be successfully delivered to John Cena during the Cena/Batista match?

Prediction: 1 is all it will take